Keep your head up

May 14, 2009

What a Titanic mental struggle.

Just keep fighting on. Pick yourself up when you’re down. Get to work. Don’t give up. Just power through it.

I need all the clichés in the book to fight through this. This is definitely the toughest period of my life. Everyone is telling me what a joy and walk in the park this should be. I'm not seeing it -- yet.

I trundled off to my first day of observation at the local middle school. I watched several teachers in action, using different styles from old-school authoritarian to the new-school guided practice instructor. Like I’ve said before, I’m learning a lot, but there is so much change, so many new situations, new buildings, new people, it is just hammering my psyche. My mind is just reeling. There are textbooks, papers due, assignments to be posted, free-lance articles to turn in, rooms to be vacuumed, lawns to mow, letters to write, books to read. It’s a deluge and it’s a struggle to keep your head above water. It sure is different than putting it on autopilot for 25 years and mailing in the work.

Then I keep torturing myself, to boot.

I applied to this Internet sweatshop to do some freelance editing a couple of weeks ago. They sent two small articles to edit, as a test, in order to qualify for the $2.50 each that the firm pays to edit one article. I edited the articles, admittedly half-assed, yesterday. Today, I received an e-mail signed by Weng Chai Ka, saying that my editing wasn’t up to snuff. Sorry. After 31 years in journalism, I’m rejected by a Chinese sweatshop. That’s $5 that won’t be going into my Pay Pal account. How the mighty have fallen.

“You just have to laugh,” eldest daughter says.

Still, it sent me into a funk. I plopped on the bed, ready to sink into a depression. No, I said, get up and do something.

So Blessed Wife came home from her school-sponsored dinner to find two bathrooms gleaming. I polished and cleaned those restrooms so you could eat in the tub or dine on the toilet seats. It admittedly made me feel better. I am a good cleaner.

Power, through it, my friend.

Brighter days will come. There’s no doubt about it.